


Sky-Keepers

by QuixoticRogue



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Gen, Immature humour, Mild Language, News Report Transcript
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 13:12:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9550580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuixoticRogue/pseuds/QuixoticRogue
Summary: A look into the workings of the people on the Citadel who keep the sky from falling.





	

From the Alliance News Network archives...

Transcript of the Alliance News Network's report: 'Day in the Life of a Sky-Keeper'  
Producer: Felix Ryan  
Category: Human Interest

Transcript Begins:

**Felix Ryan:** The Citadel. The beacon of this galactic culture and monument to our way of living. Constructed by the protheans in a time long since passed, the Citadel has been home to billions over the years and, today, holds over thirteen million people of all the various races and species. It is the home of the Council and the heart of our civilisation.

But the station's own heart is the Presidium, the giant, central ring that holds all the Wards together. The Presidium contains the station's lush gardens, abundant markets and picturesque lakes. And above it all is the shining sky of the Citadel.

This fantastic feat of engineering draws tourists from all across the galaxy to look and marvel at the realistic clouds moving across the curving horizon.

The Council employs hundreds of workers to keep everything working shipshape. These men and women, of all planets and backgrounds, keep the breeze blowing, the clouds flowing and, the Presidium, going.

ANN had the chance to interview the members of the ZB24 Sky-Keepers team.

_The following are interviews conducted separately by **Felix Ryan** with **Terrance Meyers** (Director of ZB24), **Connie Lawton** (Controller) and **Jackson Bryce** (Deputy Controller)._

**Could you explain your role on the Sky-Keeper team?**

**Trevor Meyers:** I am Director Trevor Meyers. I run the team in the ZB24 sector of the Presidium's sky.

**Connie Lawton:** Controller Connie Lawton.

**Jackson Bryce:** Jazza.

**CL:** Maintenance and limited environmental control, that's the kind of things we do.

**TM:** Well, the Presidium has two main surfaces. There's the inner one, which the sky. That's us. And then there's the other one.

**FR:** The larger surface.

**TM:** We prefer to call them the lower one.

**JB:** My job is basically to manage the control room when Connie's on leave, or on a lunch break, or needs to piss. Which is never. I don't even think I've ever seen her leave her work station while on the clock.

**FR:** Does that annoy you? Not having to do anything?

**JB:** Hell no... I think she must have a bottle under her chair.

**ZB24 is one of the few all-human teams of Sky-Keepers. Is there any added pressure when it comes to representing humanity?**

**TM:** No. Because, simply put, we're the best at what we do. If you want a clear, blue sky for your day on the Presidium, that's us. If you want someone to make your kid laugh with clouds, we're who you come to. If you want us to crank down the heating, freeze over those Grounders' precious lakes, that might be a bit difficult but we'd give it a red hot go.

**CL:** I don't think there's any added pressure, no. After all, we all grew up with a sky above our heads. Well, except for the people born on the Citadel, of course. And the people who were born on ships. And then there's the people who were born on planets without atmosphere's thick enough to have a sky. But for everyone else, we're all the same. Well, except for people with different amino acids.

**JB:** Hm?

**FR:** Do you feel any added pressure?

**JB:** _Snorts._

**FR:** Okay then.

**I've gotten the sense there's some kind of rivalry between the sky crew and the ground team. Do you have any comment on the matter?**

**TM:** No rivalry. None at all.

**CL:** It's all harmless fun at a soccer game every now and then. No one holds any real resentment.

**TM:** I mean, yeah, maybe they do have more surface area to work with. And sure, it's the side everyone spends their time on. And maybe even it can look really, really, _really_ pretty. But what do they do with the area? Lakes and plants. That's all. They fill it with lakes and plants. Like it's hard maintaining a vibrant garden in space.

**JB:** I don't have anything against the Grounders. No problem at all... I do piss in their lakes occasionally.

**FR:** I'm sorry?

**JB:** I piss in the lakes.

**FR:** Are there no toilet facilities in the control room?

**JB:** Of course there are. Why wouldn't there be?

**FR:** You just said you pissed in the lakes.

**JB:** Well, yeah. It's more fun. The water's right there. You open up the window in the corridor outside the control room and just lean out. You can't miss it. You don't ever have to worry about splashback. Well, unless the wind gets it. Then it can go anywhere... Relax, mate. It's not like anyone drinks out of it.

**FR:** Skycars pass through the Presidium all the time!

**JB:** Well, sometimes their windscreens get a little pissy but they move so fast, it's not my fault I don't see them.

**FR:** ... Next question.

**Walk me through the average day as a Sky-Keeper.**

**TM:** Well, I'm the Director of the ZB24 team.

**FR:** ... Right. But what does that involve?

**TM:** Maintenance and low-level environmental control. That sort of thing.

**FR:** Yes but, as I understand it, those are all things managed at the controls Ms Lawton and Mr Bryce work at. So, what do you do?

**TM:** ... I tell them which buttons to press.

**FR:** So, what's your day like?

**JB:** I come in... I go back out again.

**FR:** You don't do anything?

**JB:** Well, I have my own control panel but there's not really any need to do anything. Connie's got it all under control.

**FR:** From what I've been hearing, it sounds like you're the only one doing work.

**CL:** I know it sounds like that...

**FR:** Do you have anything to add?

**CL:** No.

**FR:** Alright, then.

**It's no secret that the sky crew can control the position and movements of clouds to bring joy to those around them. Could you tell me more about that?**

**TM:** Actually, I'm going to have to correct you on that. We don't bring joy to those _around_ us. The only people around us are each other. We bring joy to those _beneath_ us.

**FR:** I see, but about the clouds...

**TM:** We call it cloud wrangling. The digital clouds in the sky are synched up to sensors that pick up the movements of winds that we can control. However, since we are professionals who would not misuse our equipment, I can't comment any further on sculpting clouds. We don't do it.

**CL:** Oh, it's one of the best things in the world. Making someone smile just by doing your job is just incredible. I have this story, actually. I remember seeing this young boy, a turian. He was sat by the Zakera Junction entrance and he looked really sad. I knew I had to cheer him up somehow so I brought together two small clouds for eyes and then another one for the mouth to make a smiley face. It didn't turn out quite as well as I'd have liked but he must have noticed it because, when he looked up, he smiled right back at the sky. I'll never forget that feeling. Jack was there. He can tell you.

**JB:** Phalluses. Gets them every time, even the asari. A giant phallus in the clouds. It's something everyone can recognise. A bunch of salarians aren't going to know what some cartoon frown-y face means but, a dick... I't bloody universal, mate.

**FR:** So, is that what the turian child was smiling at?

**JB:** Yep. Made one right behind Connie's messed up face. Great, big, turian sky dick.

**What's the hardest part about wrangling clouds?**

**CL:** Making sure everyone is comfortable. You have to sculpt using the winds so, if you do things too quickly, everyone gets a bit chilly. It's something to keep in mind.

**JB:** The real trick is keeping the phallus both general and specific enough so that everyone can enjoy it. Turians don't have balls so you have to make the ridges clear and defined. Krogans, however, have quads so really any shape attached to four balls will make an obvious Tuchanka tool.

**FR:** You certainly know a lot about alien penises.

**JB:** No. Shut up. You know a lot about alien penises.

**Do you have any advice for anyone looking to join this profession?**

**TM:** You got to try hard for this stuff. You need to stay in school, study hard. We don't want any quitters. And don't be afraid of heights. That helps.

**CL:** Just follow your dreams and reach for the sky and, who knows, you might end up working there.

**JB:** Don't bother with salarian genitals. Cloacas aren't funny, ask anyone.

Transcript ends.


End file.
